


The Things I have Done (the Is it Better to Know? Remix)

by megyal



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-03-07
Updated: 2007-03-07
Packaged: 2017-10-11 14:19:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/113298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megyal/pseuds/megyal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Draco thinks about the things he did and did not do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Things I have Done (the Is it Better to Know? Remix)

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a remix to [](http://chokolattejedi.livejournal.com/profile)[**chokolattejedi**](http://chokolattejedi.livejournal.com/)'s [Is It Better to Know?](http://chokolattejedi.livejournal.com/96888.html) for the [](http://community.livejournal.com/slythindor100/profile)[**slythindor100**](http://community.livejournal.com/slythindor100/) Challenge #40: Remix. Kindly read that first. A quote from Empire Records is used in that fic and I also use one, said by Lucas: _I do not regret the things I have done, but those I did not do._

Maybe I should have said something.

I should have smiled at him when he said my name in that low voice, his face full of resigned hope as he looked directly at me. I shouldn't have gaped at him in disbelief, the buzzing of our classmates boring into my ears. I should have gotten up from my seat and gone to sit beside him, possibly rested my hand on top of his to still the faint tremor.

Instead, I rose as fast as I could and swept out of the room. It is very likely that my face was caught up in its default cold glare, because his own gaze flickered away and his friends were caught between blinking at him in shock and glowering at me as if I'd stabbed their precious Golden Boy in the heart.

Which, more than likely, is what I did.

What did he expect? For us to run merrily across a meadow and swing into each other's arms? Look what happened to Finch-Fletchley. Very brave, I'll give him that, but being brave and being smart are sometimes mutually exclusive. We live in a world that is suspicious of everything, even of itself. For a lifestyle in which nearly everything is possible, people who work magic can be pretty close-minded, let me tell you. Maybe...maybe it has to do with the set way we have of doing things. Every potion has to be followed to the letter if you want to see the desired results. Increasing the ratio of an ingredient, or adding a different one might make for a better result, but there are very few willing to go through the testing process. It can be tiresome...and dangerous.

And look at the way we cast spells. Exact incantation; proper twirl and angle of wand. Wizards and witches are _steeped_ in their ways. Different? Weird? "Abnormal"? They won't accept it.

They won't accept people like _us_.

...I'm thinking about Harry Potter and I as _us_. That...that doesn't sound too bad. I mean, he's been thinking about it that way. The way he looked at me earlier, no-one has looked at me like that before. Like I can save them. I've never saved anyone before. I'm not sure I'm unselfish enough for that.

There are a lot of things I have done, that _had_ to be done. You can't undo those actions. It is annoying to turn back time and try change them, you'll only end up making everything worse. I'm not going to apologise for the things I have done.

But...those I didn't do, because I was afraid..because I cared what other people might say. Because I was afraid of what they might think.

I'm actually more interested in what Harry thinks.

*

"Harry, what do you love most about life?"

Harry turned his head slowly at the soft voice, staring at the moonlit figure standing a few feet away from his comfortable perch under the tree. This was a dream, he decided. He had strolled blindly out of the Great Hall after dinner, ignoring the pointing, the whispering and the pitying looks of his friends, to sit under the large weeping willow near the edge of the lake...and apparently he had fallen asleep and the person who invaded his every thought was here, just the way it should be. Right. A dream. So there should be no problem in answering.

"You," he said, drawing his knees up and wrapping his arms around his legs. He rested his forehead on his knees, feeling the weight of every single day he'd ever spent carrying his heart on his sleeve. "I mean. I like you. A lot. Soon, it's going to be love. Maybe it is already. It's good that I got it out. I had to know..."

"Ask me." Draco's voice was close and Harry did not dare to look up. He could smell the sweet soap that Draco used and he wanted to reach out and pull his finger across Draco's cheek, just to try and catch that smell. "Ask me if I have any regrets."

Harry's head popped up now. He didn't understand what the hell it was Draco was saying. This sounded suspiciously like one of Draco's infamously sarcastic games and he really, _really_ wasn't in the mood--

"Go on, Harry," Draco insisted, a small smile on his face as he sat close, his own legs pulled up elegantly, leaning against Harry. He was so very warm. "Ask me."

Harry took a deep breath. He asked.

"None so far," Draco said and kissed him. Harry let out a breath he did not realise he had been holding, his hand coming up to pull Draco in closer. Draco's hands were already cupping his face, thumbs stroking his cheekbones in a comforting manner and if Harry was of a different personality, he would have burst into tears. As it was, his smile was distinctly watery as Draco pulled away, smiling himself. "No regrets so far. But this is a big risk, do you know that?"

"Yes," Harry said instantly. "But it's better to actually _know_."

*

People stare when we walk together. Some go as far as to point. I don't care.

When the time comes to sit back in life and calculate all those things we should have done to be happy, I want no regrets. When he looks at me as if there is no-one else to see, I know...alright, fine. I know I'll never have _any_.


End file.
